Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
