She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
