I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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