I hate all girls vehemently.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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