I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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