I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
