So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
