This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
