The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
