Only a mothe r could love this liver
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
