they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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