i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
