no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize