I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
