Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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