the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
