oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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