dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i've created a new STD.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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