So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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