Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
