I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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