They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
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Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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