you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
