I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
