Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
NoShamevember. You game?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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