The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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