Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
