ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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