Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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