I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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