he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
