Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
