if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
