just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
