i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
