He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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