I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
