ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
