is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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