I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
