She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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