Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
