so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and she was petting her beer can
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
