Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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