He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
