Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
