before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
