How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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