Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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