I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
