fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
