Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
