i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
