my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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