Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
