I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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