I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
