I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
