Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
