This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
