Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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