I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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