I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
