last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
