How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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