dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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