the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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