My room smells like vodka and shame
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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